Our opinions on video games, gadgets, science and technology. Not necessarily always correct, but definitely from the heart. Our cold, cold, silicon hearts.
Seems like real life's been keeping me busy for the past couple of weeks, not giving me an awful lot of time to get stuck into as many games as I'd like. In spite of that, here are a few snippets that kept me amused throughout the month:
Would you let this tit anywhere near your car? I mean, seriously, look at him. Tim Westwood is, at 53 years of age, old enough to be my father. Whilst my own father (and many of your fathers, I suspect) is prone to bouts of daft behaviour, none have lasted as long as Westwood's delusion that he is some kind of "gangsta". I will not dispute the fact that the man has an unmatchable love for hiphop and rap music, nor the good work that he has done in bringing this to the people of the UK (for 25 years, no less!) but if he came anywhere near my car I'd go spare. Just as well then, that he doesn't feature whatsoever in Pimp My Ride DS, a game which was bought for me as a joke present by my lovely husband.
It is widely known in gaming circles that the Pimp My Ride game on the 360 is a massive pile of gash, and I expected no less from the DS version. Amusingly enough, however, I've found it strangely addictive, and keep popping it into my DS every now and again for a quick race. The massive downside to this game - can't be played for more than 20 minutes at a time, as it makes my eyeballs feel like they're about to bleed from the badly animated backgrounds. But hey ho! Not bad for £1.39!
Oh dear, speaking of let-down games, I picked up a copy of Venetica on the 360 having read some crap reviews of how the graphics are appalling, but the game oddly charming. (For those wondering, yes, I AM some kind of masochist.) The story is cute, "orphan" girl's village is attacked by supernatural fellas, foster family reveals girl is Death's daughter, Death is in trouble, daughter must come to Daddy's aid. There were two major factors in me not giving this game a fair chance. The first was the fact that I had a migraine coming on, the second (which exacerbated the first point somewhat) is that this game is CLUNKY. The graphics, the controls, the menu system, all of it. At this point, I made a sad noise, gave up and went to bed. :(
Other things that have kept me occupied this month:
Little Big Planet 2 multiplayer - Finally rediscovered the joy of 4-player 1-screen gaming. Even though I was the Sack Thing that died/got stuck/got left behind the most I found it exciting and not too frustrating. Not that I'd deliberately suicide myself at the difficult bits and wait to respawn at the next point when my chums had got there or anything...
Fallout New Vegas: Dead Money - After adding 8 levels to my character and summoning up the balls to finally go for it, I descended on the Sierra Madre. Yep, I'm still finding it pretty terrifying, but a new challenge as resources are limited for the first time in the game. Finding myself relying on my Unarmed skill, which I've never really used before.
Looking forward to the new Pokemon - By this time next week, it'll be in my sweaty little hands. Who will I choose as my starter pokemon? How will it compare with the other games? And how the hell will I get 300+ pokemon off my other carts onto this one? The fun and games, they begin again. *sigh*
All of my top five weapons are guns. This is because I am, quite frankly, a wussy little girl, and prefer to dispatch my enemies from afar, so melee weapons are out of the question. Items such as The Legend of Zelda's Hookshot, an item which can potentially bring a FAR AWAY enemy right UP TO YOUR FACE are not among my preferred arsenal. Having said that, there are some cool weapons for getting up close and personal.
5. The Lancer (Gears of War 2)
I've never really been a fan of the Gears of War series, so I'm not really in a position to comment on the efficacy of this particular weapon, although I've been told that the gun bit is quite gunny, and the chainsaw bit is quite messy and an AWFUL lot of fun. The main reason I have included this gun in my Top Five is due to the (quite frankly) EPIC special edition preorder gift. Yes, THAT (image pinched from Google) is a full size, gold painted replica Lancer. It takes several size C batteries, and for that you get a sort of squeaky chainsaw sound - and that's all! Retailing at around £130, this was one for the serious collectors and the nutjobs.
4. Alien Blaster (Fallout 3, Fallout New Vegas)
Oh, the good old Alien Blaster. The gun you find, carry around for weeks but never actually use, due to the finite amount of ammo in the world, this gun only ever gets used in the context of "Hey, look at this! I found a gun that vaporises people!"
Shame really.
3. Sniper Trifle (Little Big Planet 2)
Firstly, I dare you to do a Google image search on the terms "cake gun". Remind yourself of all the strange people out there. What I was looking for, of course, was Sackboy's hat which fires cakes. (Logical.) I find it hard to believe that people all over the internet are not making a bigger deal of this. A HAT which is a GUN which fires CAKE. Imagine if we had this in other games! The confused look on the Super Mutant's face as he's hit full in the chest with a Battenberg? Taking on the Covenant with Pavlova? What next? Cupcake grenades? I'm going to contemplate that for a little while, brb...
2. The Redeemer (Unreal Tournament)
The Redeemer will always have a special place in my heart. Essentially a miniature nuclear warhead, the Redeemer was pretty much useless to all except the extremely skilled, and the extremely lucky, since anyone within the large blast radius would be obliterated. Particularly special to me was the secondary fire mode, where the player could take control of the warhead and fly it towards its intended target. Whilst in flight mode, the player is standing still, waiting to be picked off wherever you happen to be lying dormant. Genius.
1. The Portal Gun (Portal, obviously.)
There aren't a massive amount of opportunities to use the Portal Gun as a weapon in the game. But think about the opportunities! Secretly firing your blue portal over your enemy's head while he works at his desk, then sneaking outside under pretence of a cigarette break and firing your orange portal under the nearest bus! Likewise, a portal could be fired at the exterior wall of the top floor of a high-rise building, and the corresponding portal at your enemy's feet, and see him fall to a messy death! Also handy for things like:
Fetching the TV remote
Moving house
Moving people you dislike OUT of your house
Making the walk home from the pub a bit quicker
Confusing your cat
The list is pretty much endless. If you want to make your very own Portal Gun (non-working, I'm afraid!) I found a selection of tutorials at hacknmod.com.
For the truly nerd-tacular, of course, is the Portal Gun made by the pros...
So there we have it, my top five. And if anyone dares complain that I've left out the Blue Shell from MarioKart, well, I suggest you go get yourself some actual skills before you hide behind a weapon with a guaranteed hit! (I'm not bitter. Not in the slightest.)
What's your favourite in-game weapon? Tell me in the comments!
